To God Be the Glory!

This week has been an interesting one. Thursday I hit 31 weeks in my pregnancy with our GIRL, and considering that is the week Aaron was born in my pregnancy with him, I have been thinking a lot about the health of this baby. We have been monitored extremely closely throughout this pregnancy because what happened with Aaron was never diagnosed. For the most part, things have been fine. I had one high blood pressure reading last week (146/90), but this week it was very good at 120/76! This week I was told my amniotic fluid was a bit high and that they will keep an eye on that, but really I have had no bad news about the baby. I have been tested for EVERYTHING they can possibly test me for, and all has been normal. The best guess about what happened with Aaron was that he contracted some virus that they didn't test for that made him very sick...and that he truly is a miracle and his life a testimony!

I have prayed (as I know many have) throughout this pregnancy for health and life in my daughter. I have prayed for a full-term pregnancy. I have prayed that I would have peace and not be anxious. Yesterday, however, as I was getting ready for school, I was just talking to Jesus. I was sharing with him my concerns and praying that the amniotic fluid would go back to normal levels. And then I listened (a good practice). And I slowly began to realize that while my prayers were good and right and trusting, and while I did have faith in God that he could bring a healthy baby girl into my life, that in many ways I had sinned. I had to repent. Okay, I know what you're thinking...what in the world would you need to repent of? God certainly wants you to share your heart with him. Yes, he does! But in the midst of that, in my mind (and, yes, in my heart, too), I wanted God to provide a healthy baby to me because I wanted to be able to share with people how he brings complete restoration and how he is abundantly able. What's the sinful part? I was afraid that if God DIDN'T do this that I wouldn't be able to say that to people...that it would just look like he left me and had no regard for me...perhaps that it would give fuel to the fire of those who speak against him...see, there is no God, they could say. I think I was afraid that God wouldn't answer my prayers and that because of that, others would doubt his goodness and his hand.

I was brought to tears. Because I am human, and He is BIGGER! My ways are not His ways, and my thoughts are not His thoughts (Isaiah 55:8). And, gasp! He knows how to bring glory to Himself far better than I do! And I had sinned by thinking in my mind that I knew the best way...that if He didn't do it the way I thought He should, that He wouldn't look great! I was so wrong.

So I give God the glory, however He chooses to make that happen! I surrender my own agenda. I do still pray and believe for a healthy, full-term baby girl! I know that He is able! I also know, though, that I trust Him. I trust whatever he does in me and in her. To God be the glory!!!!

Heart Rumblings

Okay, so perhaps the title is odd...not sure how else to title what I have been feeling lately. There have been a lot of things weighing on my mind, and I have a growing sense of uneasiness.

First, as many of  you know, my parents were released from their positions this past January. They (and perhaps all of us) thought it would be a short stint of no work; instead, it has turned into seven months. They are truly in desperate need of jobs. This is one thing weighing on my heart, possibly because my feelings of them being released from their positions are that it was done wrongly. I am praying and feeling quite burdened for them!

Second, I have been concerned about the state of our world. Yes, a large concern it is! There is so much us versus them dialogue going on right now (regarding Christians versus whomever), and even Christians themselves are in different camps. Further, it is troubling that many who call themselves Christ-followers are turning their backs on his very teachings. What has really brought this to the forefront of my mind is the whole Chick-fil-a controversy. First, I feel that it has been blown up to be a much bigger issue than it should have been. The man answered a question without making any prejudicial remarks. That said, many have called into question the types of organizations Chick-fil-a supports. I will admit that I have not done my research here. What I do know is that I stand for biblical values and I support what he espoused. I do not, however, support hatred, violence, or bullying toward the LGBT community. Rather, in order to act in Christlike manner, I support love. LOVE! Treating all, regardless of sexual preference, with love.

All that said, I do feel America is on the brink of major change. It may call into question much of what Christians believe. It may mean standing for Christ requires a harder road to be walked. It may bring persecution such as we have never seen. And I have to wonder...are we ready? I mean really ready? Have I prepared my kids to stand for Christ? Have I prepared myself? I am burdened to do just that. To prepare me and them to stand for Christ no matter what. I am burdened to pray more. I am burdened for the lost...and I even pray to be burdened more for them!