On a Day Like Today

You know those moments where you think you really have it all together? I have thought several times, particularly this summer, that I have really (finally) figured some things out! Like patience...man, I am SO much better with that than I have been in the past. And my temper, under control indeed! Responding to my kids in love and with a tender voice...that's me alright! Then, WHAM, a day like today happens.

Now if you really know me well, you know how I feel about bad days...they are a choice. So I choose not to have them...really, I do! One gift that I know that I have is to find the positive in any situation. And I did that today! The two babies woke up two hours too early this morning, so there was lots of screaming, crying, fussing, whining. But I knew naptime was coming; I could TASTE it! After lunch, I put the babies down. When the crying didn't subside after 15 minutes, I went to check on them. Aaron? Hanging over the side of his crib, having broken his clothes hamper while trying to make an escape. Yep, time to take the crib railing down. Sigh. Okay, nap time take 2...we did it! They slept! So I took the opportunity to balance my checkbook when I came across some odd charges. Oh no! Our bank account information has been used by someone else...several hundred dollars! I called the bank, getting a representative who did little to set my heart at ease. (I did later talk to someone who made me feel much better.) Babies awoke...crying, screaming, fussing...but I am good, holding it all together with my patience and lack of temper and ability to speak with a loving voice.

It didn't take much, though. David came home, we talked about the situation. We were sitting on the couch relaxing. The babies were calm. Life was good. Then Isaac asked if we could go somewhere. Such an innocent question from the world's best oldest child who just wanted to get out of the house for a while. I flipped. Looking back, I was so immature. That patience flew right out the window! That temper escalated quickly. I told him to get his shoes...with my very loud voice. He wanted to go to the park...I took him, all mad and upset and impatient. As I watched him play, as I listened to him run over to tell me some kids asked if he wanted to play with them, as I walked by the river with him, as he used his imagination making ninja stars out of sticks, I remembered that he's a kid who wants his mom to treasure him. He didn't deserve to be yelled out. All I was thinking when I yelled was why on earth he couldn't understand that I was stressed. Why in the world would he ask if he could go somewhere? Well, simply, because he's not me. Oh, he's a lot like me, but he is much more willing to let things roll off his shoulders.

I wish I could say I was pleasant to be around for the rest of the night, but I wasn't. Once I realized just how childish I had been, I was so ashamed! But I certainly wouldn't call this a bad day. Because I learned a lesson...several in fact. I learned that I still have a long (LONG, long, long) way to go in this journey. That my kids nor my husband deserve to be spoken to with harshness. That I am human but am also in position to receive God's grace to cover my sin...and His power to change me. And I must be intentional about that, letting Him change me. That my husband and kids love me and treasure me, even in my ugliness. On a day like today, I am thankful...for a lot!